Ted’s toddler tome

Ted’s toddler tome

Kathy Shaidle tells us that Sen. Ted Kennedy is publishing a children’s book. (What is it that every celebrity is putting out children’s books, almost all of them ghost-written? To show that not only can they not write a book adults will read, but they can’t even write a kid’s book?)

Anyway, the book features, no kidding, the Senator’s dog, Splash. Yes, Splash. For those of you who don’t know, Kennedy is known in these parts as The Swimmer for his part in the Chappaquiddick incident. Back to Splash: Want to guess what breed he is? Portuguese Water Dog. No kidding. Irony is dead.

So Kathy’s proposed titles for the book are: Remembering President Goldwater, The Day Mao Wrote The Communist Manifesto, I Fell for a Hoax (and the Boston Globe Fired Its Factcheckers), Is There A Problem, Officer?

Funny, but no one zings the Kennedy’s like Boston Herald columnist Howie Carr who contributes the following from his (subscriber-only) column:

Make Way for Gin Blossoms. Willy Wonka and the Vodka Factory. Frosty the Bad Ice Cube. The Little Oldsmobile that Couldn’t. Me and My Air Pocket. Heather Has Two Toddies. Through the Drinking Glass. Teddy Kennedy and the Goblet of Firewater.

Booze Clues. Where in the World is Mary Jo?

Has the senator considered a rhyming work, a la Dr. Seuss? Green Eggs and Ham could be retitled Green Beers and Scotch.

“I love to drink it from a jar/ I love to drink it in my car/ I love to drink it without pants/I swill it whenever I get the chance”

My Liver Has a Quiver. Horton Hears a Siren. Bartholomew and the Field Sobriety Test. Voyage to the Bottom of the Sea. 20,000 Beers Under the Sea. Das Oldsmobile. The Old Man and the Sea.

That’s our senator!

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