Rediscovering conversation in our marriage

Rediscovering conversation in our marriage


As Melanie and I drove 2 hours each way to my mom and sister’s house in Maine, we rediscovered something about our relationship. We really have great conversations in the car. (Today, we talked about the coming development of theology concerning the body-soul hybrid of personhood as well as the development of a theology of the single state in life; the relative merits of Google+ and Facebook and the challenges facing each; a book Melanie is reading of correspondence in the 1940s, 50s, and 60s, between a New York TV writer and an antiquarian bookshop in London, which spawned a conversation about Internet retailing versus personalized care from small local businesses; and so on.)

Even from our very first date, when we sat in my car in front of her house for hours after I brought her home, we knew that the best part of our relationship was our intellectual and spiritual compatibility.

But we also realized today how rare these conversations have become. Every night, after finally getting all the kids in bed and cleaning up dinner and the kids’ clutter, we want nothing more than to plop down in front of the TV or the computer for an hour or two before hauling ourselves off to bed. Often, we just can’t muster the energy for deep conversation.

However, we recognize that we have to maintain that aspect of our relationship if we’re going to remain strong, because it’s such a vital part of who we are together. So more long car trips are in order (my mom will be pleased), but we are also going to try to get at least a monthly date night for the two of us (with the aid of the kids and my sister-in-law who would babysit).

We think it will add a spark back to our relationship that 4 kids in 6 years has pushed to the side somewhat. I’m looking forward to it.


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